Quite the journey we had

At the end of filming for our episode of Grand Designs - to say we were pleased is understating it somewhat. So much of the elation we knew we would feel at the conclusion of what felt like '3 back to back marathons after 3 weeks worth of training' just seeped through us both. Flaming Norah, we were knackered - and mostly craving to sit silently in a darkened room - and 'thousand yard stare' at any inanimate object.

The home we had fantasized about creating for so many years, was done - to the standard we had hoped to achieve - and with Matt and I both, not just in talking terms, but as each other's biggest fans. Working on our house rebuild forced us to confront elements of each other's personalities that I am convinced we otherwise would never have discovered. We needed to lean on, push on and rely on each other in ways I never knew were possible - while holding down quite demanding jobs.

And then there were the kids. 2 children whose needs were non negotiable - one was doing their 11+ and going through the motions of a year 6 about to leave all they know behind and start a new life at secondary school, and the other was a then 8 year old girl, going through schoolground girl issues, and was generally feeling unsettled by the temporary set-up we found ourselves in, without a dedicated human to meet her needs.

To all this, add lockdown, classroom covid bubbles and a very hot 2 bedroom top floor flat located behind a pub during the euros. Some nights we would be kept up by lively singing from the pub, others - it would be the smell of marijuana, or extremely amorous neighbours. But our biggest driver for lack of sleep - was without a doubt the size of the challenge we faced with building this house. It was needy, brutal, relentless.

Psychology today suggests that the average person makes something in the region of a whopping 35,000 decisions in a day.How we managed to get through the sheer volume of decisions we had to make day in, and day out - I honestly cannot tell you. We literally tapped into a mettle we never knew we had to; in one regard - keep the wheels on the bus (think work, domestic responsibilities, responsibilities to ourselves and each other and the kids) and in another - slay the dragon in the lair (think planning ahead on finishes, what materials, finances - when's the next big drop) - and leave enough in the tank to firefight, when the wheels were flying off the bus (Blimey, did we remember to send consent forms for some trip the kid is going to? Shit, did we request the skip is picked up in time, we have the digger working on that retaining wall where the skip is tomorrow) and so on, and so on.

Long before Mr Chow in 'The Hangover 2' spurred the meme - 'but did you die', were these 4 words used by the tribe to keep us focused. Yes, shit hits the fan sometimes. But if you are not dead - and the shit that is through the fan is worth it, you can pick up your sorry arse and power on. Wallowing is a privilege you can enjoy once the job is done. The message was always keep the eyes forward, the head down and you power on. When you have always been as black, and as Zimbabwean as I am - you know not to play. Opportunities are privileges that need to be done justice.

We probably could have made our lives easy on ourselves - but we knew this route would be far from it, but we had the energy and audacity to give it a go. All this considered, even now thinking back to that time, hand on heart I would say, we would do it all again.

It is true that more than once we were told the house we wanted would cost nearer to #1m to construct. It is also true that we have ultimately ended up over our initial budget of 550-600k, with the final tab coming up at just shy of 710k, and the construction itself took a lot longer than the 9months to construct the house plus about 4 months of landscaping we thought it would take, to a total 17 months, But in a backdrop of soaring construction prices, rampant shortages of everything from cement to plasterboard, the longest lead-times ever before-seen due to lockdown galore - while there a couple of things we would change in the process, we both stand proud of what we produced - and 'the tribe' who stood toe to toe with us and literally refused to allow us on compromise on our vision.

The tribe's pep talk helped us massively - the air source heat pump we use for our heating and hot water, mechanical ventilation with heat pump, triple glazing and uber thick SIP walls and SIP roof have all been complicit in helping us keep our energy bills this winter to an average #6-#7 a day. The green roofs and massive triple glazed patio doors we put in give us a surreal calmer/warmer holiday feeling when we are home. All of these as well as the basement level ancillary/plant room would have melted out of scope where we going to be militant in our budget and timeline without the tribe insisting we keep them in scope.

I call them the tribe because they, time and time again, proved to be more than just our family and or friends. They became our protectors and mental health guardians, stepped in to look after, stimulate and engage the children, physically went shopping with us to buy the right stuff, stood forward with unsolicited offers for cash - because the eco elements of the build was a hard requirement from the start - and they didn't want us to miss out on it. Time and time again, what I heard was - if you are going to do it, do it properly. For the first time in our lives, we became accountable to 'our people'. We had to do it right.

And that is what we did. With the tribe we had - we literally had no choice, but to remain grounded and brutally authentic in bringing what was and has always been 'exactly our vision' to life. Our clan understood, as we did - that what we would create was neither going to be inhibited and unambitious, nor was it going to be architecturally (or emotionally) exploring the full spectrum of beige - even if the setting is suburbia.

But when have we ever been like anyone else? And why should we start now? More importantly - didn't we have a story to tell, and a community to inspire and provide a role model for - doing something hard, that may or may not be everyone else's cup of tea, but makes you happy. Something you have worked on, blooded, sweated on and cried on - but is authentic and beautiful to you.

Vulnerability and authenticity is something that is important in a story like mine - because sadly, while this is 2023, there are very few people like me on the telly putting themselves out there to show what it is like to do something this difficult in a traditionally unyielding space like architecture. I feel that we genuinely need more people like me swimming against the current, ready to mute, ignore and step over the voices that try to keep us quiet, invisible, and 'in our little lanes' a) because ambition is a dirty word and b) what you do with what is 'you and yours' forces them to confront ‘different’.

And ‘different’ we did. With full spectrum Afro black hair on show too. If the plan was to be authentic in what we set out to do, it was important for me to do it authentically.

The great news is that when once we managed to get to a ‘self actualised' place we felt absolutely nothing towards detractors - it’s quite freeing existing in a space where we literally have nothing to prove.

With the tribe, it feels different. The support we felt throughout this build journey kept us focused and humble. While we have completely paid back every penny owed to them, our gratitude for the unwavering support, pep talks and time they spent researching with us, cleaning for us or looking after our kids - is eternal. This is what matters. Our turn now to stand ready to support them. And so on it goes.

I believe it was Mark Twain who said 'the fear of death follows the fear of life'. And building our house, and creating a time capsule of it via a 47 minute dramatisation of what that was like on Grand Designs - felt like living.